Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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