Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
