WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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