She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
