ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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