i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
