i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
