Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
