I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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