shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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