You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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