What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
