She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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