Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
