I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
