Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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