How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
