I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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