i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
