y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
