So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My liver just broke up with me...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
