got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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