im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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