Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
