I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
