she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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