Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
