i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize