I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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