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woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
