he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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