If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
