yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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