If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
