it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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