The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
