You can't special order awesome
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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