And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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