Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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