woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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