The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
