My brain says no but my pants say off.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize