omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
