Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
