did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
