careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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