I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I understand Curling. That high.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
