She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
