after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
