physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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