then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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