you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
