On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
