Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
