Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
