They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
