I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
