Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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