you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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