So drunk its hurt
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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