I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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