how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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