did you get engaged???
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
