I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
