Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
