Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
