I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
