So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
